Join the club: how to pick the right after-school activity for your child

To identify the number one passion in your child’s life to be nurtured, a powerful conversation is needed, says Abu Dhabi-based empowerment coach Randa Al Zein.

Children can benefit from getting involved in sports. Christopher Pike / The National

As the new school year gets into full swing, many parents are busy looking for activities to fill their children’s leisure time.

Should they be so keen to find clubs to channel their children’s passions? Or are they becoming overbearing “helicopter parents”, whose puffy-eyed offspring have no time for quiet contemplation?

Finding the right balance is a delicate task, says Sallyann Della Casa, founder of the Dubai-based Growing Leaders Foundation, a social enterprise focused on youth leadership development, and author of Who Will I Become.

Before filling up the calendar, Della Casa, who is from Trinidad and Tobago, recommends assessing whether a child is an extrovert – who gets energy from people and blooms in social settings – or an introvert, who is more sensitive and thoughtful.

“Problems arise when extrovert parents have introvert kids,” she says.

“They automatically assume their children need to be pushed into group activities, but actually introverts thrive in one-on-one activities. Introverts are deep thinkers, and include some of the most successful people out there. Don’t force them to do group activities.”

For youngsters who are more socially gregarious, team sports are a great way to nurture social skills and keep fit. Sema Faulkner, a British mum of three, saw the benefits her son Oliver, 9, gained from playing rugby.

“It totally enriched his social skills to have a completely different circle of friends,” she says. “They learnt to respect their team as a whole. It was fantastic to see that he’d learnt true sportsmanship and not competitiveness.”

As long as they are suitably keen, putting children into activities such as ballet, piano or karate build their “grit”, says Della Casa, but only if they stick at it.

“Grit is the number one quality you can build in your child,” she says. “It’s their ability to stick to something and see themselves get better at it over time.

“Choosing a new activity every term might open their minds, but kids only learn grit when they stick with it for at least a year, which is long enough for them to measure their own improvement.”

Caoimhe Lalor from Ireland allows her children Tadhg, 9, and Caoilfhionn, 7, to try up to two paid-for activities per term.

“The clubs need to finish before 6.30pm during the week so the kids get enough rest and sleep time,” she says.

“I strongly believe that kids also need unstructured time to discover themselves. It’s a balancing act between offering opportunities to try new things and letting kids be themselves.”

When it comes to new sports, Abu Dhabi-based empowerment coach Randa Al Zein recommends trying them out first.

“Parents and children can check out the activity together on YouTube. Opt for taster sessions before paying for the whole term, so you’re sure it’s the right fit for them.”

Al Zein warns pushy parents against “the mirror effect”. “A parent came to me with her teenage daughter, complaining she was always on her phone and didn’t do anything after school. But the mum didn’t do anything herself after work, and her daughter was just mirroring her.

“ Children learn by example, so it’s more important for families to do sports together than it is for parents to push their children into lots of individual sports classes.”

To identify the number one passion in your child’s life to be nurtured, a powerful conversation is needed, Al Zein says.

“We need to talk to our kids to find out what their hearts want. What inspired them this summer? Was it watching a certain sport in the Olympics?

“We should be asking the right questions to find out their potential passions.”